we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
