Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"