Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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