So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!