Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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  (440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/5zyy
  Replies (23) Good night (3631) Bad night (771)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

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  (561): george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it. http://tfl.nu/x2j0
  Replies (159) Good night (6188) Bad night (2216)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

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  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (12337) Bad night (1206)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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  (502): so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done http://tfl.nu/tthp
  Replies (10) Good night (4115) Bad night (982)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

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  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (7370) Bad night (1698)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3425) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.

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  (+82): I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea. http://tfl.nu/vo0h
  Replies (13) Good night (2144) Bad night (803)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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  (832): You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you" http://tfl.nu/nnn7
  Replies (1) Good night (2554) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

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  (586): I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print. http://tfl.nu/m0e5
  Replies (7) Good night (1829) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?

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  (908): do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"? http://tfl.nu/vbms
  Replies (3) Good night (924) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  How drunk do you guys plan on getting?

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?

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  (239): How drunk do you guys plan on getting? (1-239): We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think? http://tfl.nu/11cm
  Replies (7) Good night (1140) Bad night (380)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me

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  (479): I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me http://tfl.nu/cdlh
  Replies (7) Good night (1034) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?

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  (814): Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade? http://tfl.nu/q9y9
  Replies (3) Good night (303) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I'm in a stranger's bed.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Gotta leave to watch the Lions

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  (248): Well I'm in a stranger's bed. (248): Gotta leave to watch the Lions http://tfl.nu/toks
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.

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  (630): i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair. http://tfl.nu/5kiw
  Replies (2) Good night (289) Bad night (443)

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