So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.