I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.