Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore

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(480): Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore http://tfl.nu/oifq

Replies (27) Good night (874) Bad night (5344)
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(214): View more from Texas

My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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(214): My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes. http://tfl.nu/jl4m

Replies (72) Good night (6707) Bad night (1590)
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(678): View more from Georgia

she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

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(678): she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy http://tfl.nu/57ze

Replies (17) Good night (6223) Bad night (1385)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that

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(734): I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that http://tfl.nu/jwk4

Replies (12) Good night (3830) Bad night (1052)
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(406): View more from Montana

Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink

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(406): Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink http://tfl.nu/w6xd

Replies (5) Good night (1949) Bad night (786)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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(715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu

Replies (3) Good night (1442) Bad night (773)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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(814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj

Replies (19) Good night (6557) Bad night (1156)
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(916): View more from California

Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold

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(916): Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold http://tfl.nu/79ln

Replies (14) Good night (927) Bad night (1540)
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(917): View more from New York City

idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now

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(917): idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now http://tfl.nu/ruxc

Replies (3) Good night (791) Bad night (1308)
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(323): View more from California

Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.

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(323): Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically. http://tfl.nu/tya7

Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (519)
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(805): View more from California

I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.

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(805): I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them. http://tfl.nu/ui2l

Replies (0) Good night (638) Bad night (309)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.

(225): View more from Louisiana

2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.

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(225): A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening. (225): 2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD. http://tfl.nu/o2xa

Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (276)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober

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(630): I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober http://tfl.nu/x3cq

Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (424)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.

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(703): I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami. http://tfl.nu/sl0r

Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (243)
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(785): View more from Kansas

You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal

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(785): You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal http://tfl.nu/ksra

Replies (2) Good night (174) Bad night (382)

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