the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
