on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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