there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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