I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
