Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
