it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
