I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
