she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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