He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
