Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
