I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
