btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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