He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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