I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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