ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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