This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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