I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
me + whiskey = a bad person
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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