maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
