...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
