How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
