If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We are two peas in an std pod
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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