I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
