Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
