In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
