We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
