Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
