you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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