well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize