A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
