So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize