my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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