if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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