Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
