a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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