Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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