I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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