:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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