: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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