I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
