There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
