so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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