Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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