Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
