: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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