All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
