I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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