I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
