she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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