I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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