fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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