Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
