did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
