I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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