Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
