Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
