: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
