if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
