I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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