I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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