Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
