no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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