3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
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Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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